Becoming a Man
by curlycutie016
Summary: Bloody hell I wouldn’t wish this on anyone not even Snape! I can’t handle this I’m just a kid!” Completed
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: These stories are based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. To any song references made no money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. 


	2. Becoming a Man

Becoming a Man  
  
By Felicia aka curlycutie  
  
For Maddie affectionately known as Maddz to me  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"Get out of here!"  
  
"You're no longer part of this family!"  
  
"I only have one son!"  
  
The medley of insults and hurtful words keep swirling around in, sixteen year old, Sirius Black's mind as he flew quickly through the air into the night.  
  
'Hard to figure if it's the words pounding my head or just my eye throbbing,' Sirius thought as he grimaced and faced into the wind.  
  
He was used to this treatment but it was the first time he could say he'd been beaten up and didn't fight back. His mother had cursed him and he'd slammed into a wall or two.  
  
'God could this get any worse?' Sirius thought, just then a flash of lightning shone in the distance.  
  
"I just had to say it!" Sirius cried out loud into the wind.  
  
//Send someone to love me  
  
I need to rest in arms  
  
Keep me safe from harm  
  
In pouring rain//  
  
Then getting more worked up he kept yelling back at the storm.  
  
"I'm sixteen years old I've been kicked out of my home for no reason. It's raining, I can't see out of one eye, and I'm attempting to make it to my best friend's home and even then I don't know if I can stay there, bloody hell I wouldn't wish this on anyone not even Snape! I can't handle this I'm just a kid!"  
  
//Give me endless summer  
  
Lord I fear the cold  
  
Feel I'm getting old  
  
Before my time//  
  
His throat hoarse from yelling Sirius decided he'd go on as far as he could towards Godric's Hollow, if he couldn't last longer then he'd just drop and look anywhere for shelter.  
  
'This has got to be the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with, forget keeping girl's name's straight, homework, or even Remus' condition. This has to be the star winner out of all of them', Sirius mused as he hunched forward more pulling his cloak tighter around himself.  
  
"Remember boy what ever doesn't kill you makes you stronger," the words of Sirius' father went though his head immediately after contemplating his hardships.  
  
'Easy for him to say, he wasn't kick out of his house by his own family, that's got to be the lowest thing ever,' Sirius scowled.  
  
//As my soul heals the shame  
  
I will grow through this pain  
  
Lord I'm doing all I can  
  
To be a better man//  
  
Sirius was getting a lot of thinking done while soaring in the air, being pelted with rain.  
  
But with his thinking came feelings of spite and bitterness towards his family.  
  
He could imagine them for being the cause of the rain, it wasn't enough they couldn't have him in their home they wanted him to suffer outside of it as well.  
  
Sirius thought of all the times something hadn't gone according to his parents' plan. Such as being sorted in to Gryffindor, a long letter and howler had arrived for him, the day that his parents were informed of their son's placement. They accused him of doing it on purpose, that he'd asked to be in Gryffindor and that he should go to Dumbledore right away and demand to be switched to Slytherin. Of course Sirius didn't want to do that, which was another mistake he made to upset his parents.  
  
//Go easy on my conscience  
  
'Cause it's not my fault  
  
I know I've been taught  
  
To take the blame//  
  
This sibling rivalry in the Black home was unimaginable. Sirius and his brother Regulus were always at odds. When Sirius was younger his father had taken his side more, but after the Gryffindor Problem, as it was known, his father pushed him aside too.  
  
Sirius' mother had always favored Regulus over Sirius. She declared it at least twice a day that he looked so much like her late father, who'd died before either Sirius or Regulus were born. However Mrs. Black wasn't shy about telling stories of how her father spoiled her to bits and how she adored him. The sappy saga continued from Mrs. Black to her son Regulus.  
  
Sirius was his father's favorite, but his father was usually busy with official business that he had no time to dote upon his other son to compensate for the lack of Mrs. Black's caring.  
  
Sirius never thought of his home life as miserable not even around other pureblood family situations, which seemed less stable than his. It wasn't until Hogwarts that everything changed.  
  
He made friends who, by caring, taught Sirius about real comradely, family and love. Among his new found friends was James Potter, who became the brother he felt he should have always had. James was there for a laugh or an ear to listen to a problem.  
  
'And what a problem I have right now,' Sirius thought as he waited for his wand that he charmed to point out the direction.  
  
//Rest assured my angels  
  
Will catch my tears  
  
Walk me out of here  
  
I'm in pain//  
  
"Thank God!" Sirius exclaimed as his wand pointed at a steep diagonal, indicating he was practically on top of the Potter's home.  
  
Sirius threw all his weight forward as he sped like a bullet towards stately looking house. 


	3. Part 2

Looking back on it the next events were a blur.  
  
In a mess of faces, expressions, feelings, and physical movements, Sirius knew he'd arrived at the Potters.  
  
There was Mrs. Potter, a tall black haired woman with blue eyes with a bookish look about her, who's vocabulary seemed only to consist of, "Oh you poor dear! This is awful! What happened? You must be hungry." Well that's how it seemed to Sirius since those phrases and re-phrasing of some of them, bombarded him again and again.  
  
Mr. Potter, a firmly built man with hazel eyes and brown hair and a mustache, didn't communicate with words but actions, or maybe he did talk but was drowned out by his wife's tittering and whirling about removing wet cloaks. From Mr. Potter, Sirius received a clap on the back, a ruffle of the hair, and a kind shove further into the house.  
  
Then there was his best mate James, who'd been woken up by all the commotion. At first he was afraid at the thought of it being Death Eaters, so summoning his bravery he grabbed his wand and went to the top of the staircase. Looking down into the hall he saw his Mum and Father talking to someone who'd arrived. 'Who'd travel in this weather?' James thought. Then he heard the refined but laid back voice of his best friend, "oh you know me, I heard the best experience in life is to travel by broom in a thunderstorm, had to try it out for myself, excuse me I think I'm going to fall...."  
  
James' eyes widened and he prematurely winced waiting for the thump that would accompany Sirius' statement about falling. But it didn't come; Mr. Potter had caught Sirius by the arm and was now supporting him by the shoulders.  
  
James rushed down the stairs to help his friend.  
  
"Don't wake him up poor thing's exhausted."  
  
"Abby he's not a 'poor thing' in fact I bet his richer then us, he's not a little boy he's sixteen years old, and I might be strong enough to carry him and I could cast a spell to lift him but he has to do this by himself. He hasn't fainted, look ... Sirius!" Mr. Potter called to Sirius and shook him a bit.  
  
Sirius looked through half open lids.  
  
"Can you walk, son?"  
  
Sirius nodded, then smirked to himself and muttered, "Never thought I'd hear that one again."  
  
"Father are you sure he can walk?" James asked Mr. Potter.  
  
"I'm not sure but Sirius is."  
  
And so Sirius Black arrived at the Potters.  
  
Sirius made it up the stairs using the banister as his main means of support with his arm around James' shoulder, with Mr. Potter tailing behind just incase.  
  
Sirius collapsed on the bed in a spare room, but before he fell asleep he murmured his thanks but then called out to Mr. Potter.  
  
"Sir, thank you for not carrying me," Sirius said sincerely.  
  
"I wouldn't have minded carrying you, but I knew you would have,"spoke the silhouetted figure from the doorway, "you're too much of a man," and with that he shut the door.  
  
Sirius didn't waste time to think about those words, he just passed into a deep sleep.  
  
//As my soul heals the shame  
  
I will grow through this pain  
  
Lord I'm doing all I can  
  
To be a better man// 


	4. Part 3

'Have I been drinking?' Sirius thought when he woke up as his eyes rolled back into his head. 'There's no way I couldn't have been drinking, fucking headache!'  
  
Sirius groaned and shook his head groggily to wake up.  
  
Then he heard voices.  
  
"Mum can't I see him? He is my best mate?"  
  
"You're not waking him up to badger him James, he needs to sleep"  
  
Sirius got up out of bed to go to the door to listen more, it sounded like they were talking about him.  
  
"Oh fine," came an exasperated reply.  
  
"How long is he staying?"  
  
"I don't know don't pester me!"  
  
"Sorry," came the younger frustrated tone, "but when will he get up? What if he's sick?"  
  
"Forget it just go! Give him this too," James' mother replied.  
  
Sirius quickly but quietly went back into his bed and pretended to be sleeping.  
  
"Sirius?" James whispered urgently.  
  
He looked over at his friend, whose dark hair was falling on his face. He could see that his one closed eye had turned a nice shade of black and purple.  
  
James turned to leave when he noticed Sirius' lips twitched.  
  
"You horrible faker!" James called out, catching Sirius.  
  
Sirius sat up laughing, he winced a bit when he tried to open his one eye.  
  
"Oh my mum said you should take this and the swelling well go down, and this too," James handed Sirius a mug of something steaming and a tall glass full of greenish yellow liquid.  
  
Sirius raised his right eyebrow looking skeptical at James.  
  
"Just do it," James laughed.  
  
"Fine then. Bottoms up!" Sirius said as he swigged back the tall glass of green gunk.  
  
He screwed his face up in disgust then coughed, "well that'll put hair on your chest."  
  
James laughed, waited for Sirius to finish with his medicines, then decided to ask the question that was hanging over everyone's heads in the Potter household.  
  
"Umm Sirius?"  
  
Sirius' head snapped up he knew what was coming.  
  
"Why did you runaway?" James tried to avert his gaze from Sirius'.  
  
"Would you care for the epic? Or the breadbox edition?" Sirius said with a bit of edge.  
  
"Which ever," James quickly replied.  
  
"Here goes, you know how I'm like the black sheep in the family? Or more like the white sheep in the black family?" Sirius laughed at his own joke, "well enough was enough my mother tried to kick me out but I ran away before she could, however she did get a little in on the action," he indicated by pointing at his eye.  
  
"You're mother beat you up?" James said surprised. Sirius wasn't a pushover and James doubted he would take any abuse from even his mother.  
  
"Well you know she is a Black so she's a cheater too, it was me vs. mother and her wand. Seems a bit one sided, considering I wouldn't be able to perform legal magic against her if I did have my wand available." Sirius said disgusted.  
  
James didn't say anything.  
  
"You can change the subject if you want, I'm all for it personally," Sirius said trying lighten up the situation.  
  
James said nothing.  
  
"How are things with Evans?"  
  
"She doesn't hate me as much, she even wrote me," James said proudly.  
  
"She wrote you? What did she say? Ohhh I think I know! Evans is probably one of those dirty novelists who keep their talent hidden, until they get their hands on a quill!" Sirius started to laugh, one of those deep stomach laughs.  
  
James tried to look angry with him, but the thought of Lily writing dirty romantic letters was pretty funny, and he started to laugh too.  
  
"But seriously that's good news in the development of your whole love hate relationship with the ravishing Lily Evans," Sirius said trying to keep a straight face, "it seems that you're on the way to having it all..." Sirius drifted off and looked down at the bedspread, "you know family that actually likes you, good times at school, and the girl of your dreams of whatever you think of her as, wish I had that."  
  
//Once you've found that lover  
  
You're homeward bound  
  
Love is all around  
  
Love is all around//  
  
"Sirius you know you're just like another member of this family I'm sure you can stay here for the rest of the summer," James insisted, "having it all? Where did you get delusions like that? There's no such thing and you know it."  
  
'Easy for you to say,' Sirius thought bitterly.  
  
"Well I'll leave you to get up and ready, I'll meet you outside for a Quidditch match," James said getting up to leave.  
  
"Yea thanks mate,"  
  
'Poor James Potter who's mummy and daddy love to bits, who used to be hated by his dream girl and now is receiving letters from her, I really pity him' Sirius thought sarcastically as he changed.  
  
Sirius sighed, he was thinking like an ass and he knew it. The Potters could have not opened their home at all but here they were letting him stay at their home till who knows when.  
  
'It's just so hard not to be jealous' Sirius conflicted.  
  
He sighed, ran his fingers through his hair which fell back into place perfectly, and headed downstairs.  
  
"Sirius would you like some breakfast?" Mrs. Potter offered.  
  
"Yes thank you," Sirius said as he sat down, he waited to hear the question that was inevitable.  
  
But it never came, she didn't ask about his family, the situation of why he left, or even the black eye.  
  
Sirius assumed James' had filled them in, but the look on Mrs. Potter's face didn't suggest it. She looked like she did every time he visited, welcoming with a mischievous twinkle in her eye, like she knew a secret.  
  
"Now you can stay here as long as you like, if you say anything a long the lines of 'I wouldn't want to impose' I'll personally escort you to the curb," Mrs. Potter said with a smile as she sat across from Sirius with a cup of tea.  
  
"Thank you," Sirius said, "you don't know how much I appreciate this."  
  
"There's nothing to it, now eat up, you need to distract James while his father and I can get errands and work done,"  
  
// I know some have fallen  
  
On stony ground  
  
But Love is all around// 


	5. Part 4

Sirius didn't find another place to stay.  
  
For the rest of the summer he seemed content and happy to be at the Potters. And he was, however, it was just the feeling of being rejected by his own family came to haunt him every now and then.  
  
Most of the times he'd get those feelings at night when he was alone, with no one to distract him, however sometimes it would hit him when he was doing a simple task.  
  
Such as, bringing out potato salad for a barbeque, seeing Mrs. Potter sort through photos for an album, seeing James telling his father a joke, he would just freeze up and just get a knot in his stomach.  
  
It hurt him, a lot.  
  
He tried to forget about his family, well not forget about them, but forget about the damage they'd done and how they'd rejected him.  
  
He wanted to find someone who'd fully accept him and take him in.  
  
The Potters let him in their home, but there were still inside jokes, nicknames, and traditions that he'd never be apart of or understand.  
  
//Send someone to love me  
  
I need to rest in arms  
  
Keep me safe from harm  
  
In pouring rain//  
  
It came to ahead when Sirius was going through his trunk and he pulled out his family album that his mother had packed for him to take to Hogwarts. The same way she did every year. Sirius had never really bothered to look, just quickly leaf through.  
  
But one day when he was alone in his room, he went through the album and started looking at all the pictures.  
  
There was his mother laughing at his brother's antics.  
  
There was him dancing with Bellatrix at an outdoor dinner when he was little.  
  
There was Narcissa giving his father a kiss on the cheek under mistletoe.  
  
So many happy memories...  
  
'It's all a lie' Sirius though angrily, 'every last one of these is a lie, a sham put on for people.'  
  
He turned the page, and that's what did him in.  
  
It was a family portrait.  
  
His mother was seated on a chair, his father standing behind her with his hand placed on her shoulder. His younger brother sat on his mother's lap, and then off to the side stood Sirius.  
  
His father had a stern face and was eying Sirius disapprovingly; his mother gave fleeting glances of adoration towards Regulus then look at Sirius with a scowl of annoyance. His brother who was no more then four or five was grinning gleefully but with a menacing air about him. Sirius looked like he was asked to line up for a firing squad.  
  
Underneath the photo was the date, and written The Most Noble and Ancient House of Black, then his mother wrote in light pencil, 'our happy family'.  
  
Anger burned through Sirius, 'Happy family my arse!'  
  
He ripped the photo in half.  
  
But he didn't finish there.  
  
He went through the entire album, shredding, saying Incendio numerous times, till glossy moving remains of photos surrounded him, and he started to silently cry.  
  
'Some man I turned out to be, stop it!' he told himself.  
  
But he couldn't. He'd been avoiding the stinging sensation in his eyes too long and it had to come out.  
  
He didn't sob out loud. But his shoulder's shook with the tears that fell steadily.  
  
All the hurt, anger, and anguish at his relationship with his family finally came out.  
  
Sirius was grateful that the Potter's had gone into town and weren't around.  
  
After a minute or two he composed himself, cleaned up the mess, and dumped the photos in the wastepaper basket.  
  
He looked outside the window, the leaves were starting to change colour slowly. It would be autumn soon, and he'd have to go back to school.  
  
'I wish that summer wouldn't end, I wonder how many people know about what happened, and I don't want any sympathy.' Sirius thought to himself, while brushing his hair out of his eyes.  
  
//Give me endless summer  
  
Lord I fear the cold  
  
Feel I'm getting old  
  
Before my time// 


	6. Part 5

"Sirius would you please hurry!"  
  
"Oh Lover Boy I'm sure you can last a few moments," Sirius laughed at James, who was practically running on the platform to get to the train.  
  
"Shut up Sirius!" James said scanning the crowd for a red-haired girl.  
  
"James remember you did live before Ms. Evan's showed any acknowledgement of you, I'm sure you can stand to have me walk instead of running and ruining my cool and causal public appearance," Sirius told James, who wasn't paying attention.  
  
"There she is!" James ran his hand over his hair and walked at a fast pace towards Lily Evans, who was boarding the train.  
  
Sirius sighed, some things would never change.  
  
He smiled and shook his head, as he watched James talk to Lily who had tinged pink in the cheeks.  
  
He saw Remus and Peter waving at James to come over and board onto the compartment where they usually stayed.  
  
Sirius started to walk over when he spotted something that made his skin crawl.  
  
Head high, cold eyes, a disapproving grimace, stalking towards him, it was his mother.  
  
'Oh God! Is she coming to talk to me? Did she notice me? What do I call her? Is she still Mother to me? Oh shit she is coming to me!' Sirius tried not to look like he felt, which, was a scared rabbit.  
  
"Look who it is," his mother said icily.  
  
She was a dark imposing figure, she wasn't that big in stature but she made up for it by dressing in elegant black robes, and having her black hair done up in an elaborate twist, looking at everyone the way one would regard a cockroach or mouse.  
  
"Hello," Sirius said calmly, "can I help you with anything, because I have more pressing matters to attend to."  
  
Sirius said that last part to be an insult to his mother, who often used the phrase to dismiss people she didn't care to see.  
  
His mother understood it perfectly, but had to jab at him a bit, "I see that you made arrangements after you decided to cowardly abandon your family."  
  
Sirius knew she said that to bait him to anger, but he wouldn't give her that satisfaction.  
  
"It would appear so," he said as he started to walk towards the train.  
  
"You dare leave me before you are dismissed?" his mother said angrily.  
  
Sirius turned around quickly, his dark eyes flashing.  
  
"I dared to do that and anything else I want to do the day you gave me the boot, mother dear," Sirius said with a sickly sweet sarcasm.  
  
"You'll regret this!" his mother called shrilly to Sirius who's back was to her and boarding the train.  
  
"I hope so!" he called without turning around, raising his arm and making a flicking motion with his wrist, another trademark of his mother's actions.  
  
When he got on to the train, he leaned against a wall, raising his head upwards, closing his eyes breathing deeply.  
  
'That went better then I thought,' he said trying to calm down his racing heart.  
  
"Sirius? Are you alright? You're not ill are you?"  
  
Sirius opened an eye to look to his side where the voice came from.  
  
It was Remus Lupin, who had a tendency to care more about people's health then most everyone else. James and Sirius concluded this was because of Remus' own condition, which made him care more.  
  
"Oh I'm fine Remus, thanks though, I just need to go wash up, but thanks again," Sirius said.  
  
Remus gave a look of concern before walking away.  
  
Sirius went to the washroom, washed his face, and then started to walk to the compartment where he heard, James planning a prank out loud, Peter laughing, Remus jumping in every now and then with suggestions, and then a feminine scolding voice.  
  
"James I can't believe you even suggested that?!"  
  
"Lily if you don't care to hear it then I suggest you and you're delicate little ears leave the premises," Remus informed the girl.  
  
"Oh no I'm sorry Lils, please don't go, I'll stop I promise!" James said in a panicked tone.  
  
Sirius chuckled under his breath, and started to slide the door open to the compartment.  
  
"Sirius wasn't looking too good a few minutes ago," Remus informed the group.  
  
"I'm not surprised," said James, "his mother was on the war path towards him before."  
  
"We'll have to ask him about it when he shows up."  
  
Sirius recoiled his hand, he didn't feel like playing twenty questions right now, instead he turned and walked to the back of the train to an empty compartment.  
  
He leaned back into the comfy chair, and closed his eyes, and listened to the rhythm of the train.  
  
"Um excuse me?"  
  
A quiet feminine voice seemed loud in the silent compartment.  
  
Sirius didn't open his eyes to the intruder, instead he replied, "Yes?"  
  
"Would you mind if I sat down?"  
  
Sirius didn't say anything except motioned to the seat across from him.  
  
When he heard her sit down, he barely opened his eyes to look at the girl.  
  
She was around his age; she had light brown hair that was in curly waves pinned back, hazel eyes, pale skin, and an uncertain smile on her face.  
  
Sirius sighed, he knew she was looking at him, and pretending to look away when she thought his eyes were opening.  
  
'Be a man, say hi to the girl,' a voice scolded in his head.  
  
Sirius opened his eyes, and sat up, offered his hand and said, "Hello I'm Sirius Black, and you are?"  
  
The girl looked a little unnerved with this sudden introduction but then smiled shyly and took his hand in hers and shook it while responding back, "Nice to meet you, I'm Madeleine Bennett or Maddie, my friends call me Maddie, I mean if you want to call me Maddie, you can."  
  
Sirius smiled warmly, it was obvious she was a little unnerved with her stammering about her name, he also knew how hard it was going to a new school.  
  
She looked a little relived once that was over, and started to retreat by looking out the window, but Sirius wouldn't let her.  
  
"So what year are you in, Madeline?"  
  
"Oh I'm going into sixth, I'm new, I know it's obvious," Madeline said, then as an after thought she corrected him, "its Maddie."  
  
Sirius was pleased that she considered him a type of friend so that he could call her by her informal name.  
  
"I'm also going into sixth, so where are you from?"  
  
Maddie told Sirius about how her family had moved numerous times and so schools changed like shirts, was her comparison.  
  
They talked for the entire train ride, by the end of it they'd become more then just friendly acquaintances  
  
Sirius told about his family hating him, Maddie told about the prejudices she faced not being pureblood. They talked about sports, hobbies, relationships and everything else, until the train came to a stop.  
  
"Well I'll see you around Sirius," said Maddie as she collected her belongings and started to leave the compartment.  
  
"Here let me help you," Sirius offered to get her bag from the overhead.  
  
Maddie beamed a large smile, "Thank you, you're a real gentleman."  
  
//As my soul heals the shame  
  
I will grow through this pain  
  
Lord I'm doing all I can  
  
To be a better man// 


	7. This is the End, the end my only friend

I hope you enjoyed, even if it took me awhile, I finished! Huzzah *Governor Swann style*  
  
Yes Maddz you were in the story! Like I promised! I hope you enjoyed your answered request.  
  
Oh the song was Robbie Williams "Better Man". Maddz had basically emailed me saying ok use this song and I want to be with Sirius in the end. So I was like yea sure.  
  
It was going to be all fuzzy n stuff, but after listening to the song I was like wow this is deep, I can do a lot more then a fuzzy with it. But Maddz gave me artistic license to do whatever I wanted to do as long as she and Sirius were together some how.  
  
This story was based on my thoughts of the situation in which Sirius left home, and what his reactions would be towards the Potter's taking him in.  
  
This Sirius had a lot of me in it, since sometimes being the oldest I feel some of the things he was feeling... anywho.  
  
Mrs. Black was an older Morticia Adams (except not in the skintight dress) but with a twist of Mrs. Danvers from the Alfred Hitchcock movie Rebecca (which is brilliantly done go rent it!)  
  
And that's all I have to say about that.  
  
So yea now on to writing more for Have You Ever, just need to force myself to use up all my spare time to write for it.  
  
Email story requests, not just Harry Potter remember! And I shall deliver, since it's easier to work for requests then rely on my brain to think of creative fuzzy soap opera situations for Have You Ever! Grrr Ok I'll stop talking about that story because it's like a bad pot of something on the backburner.  
  
~Felicia  
  
"The test of courage comes when we are in the minority the test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority." 


End file.
